Josephine（孫女愛橋）

Rev. Dr. Philip Teng was a great intellectual, a missionary, a philanthropist, a famous preacher, a gifted artist of calligraphy, a wonderful poet and more. He served as the honorary president of China Graduate Theological Seminary and the Alliance Bible Seminary in Hong Kong and also held the title of Honorary Chairman of the Chinese Coordination Centre of World Evangelism among others.

But for me, he was 爺爺.

Where do I begin as I ponder upon the greatest man in my life? 爺爺 was always and remains my greatest hero on this earth.

As a child, I was blessed by his love. His wonderful presence and the warmth of his hand encompassing my own filled my heart with an immense joy. I looked forward to spending time with him every summer. He is my hero, and I longed to be like him. I wanted to be a missionary like him. I wanted to serve God because of him. But there was a time when I did not even know what a great and well-known servant of God he was.

One summer, I was attending a local church’s children vacation Bible school program in New Jersey. It was really just some place for my parents to drop my brothers and me off for a week during the summer while they worked at church. Grandma and Yeh Yeh, whose tradition was to stay with us for a few weeks every summer, were over. On the last day of VBS, they came to see the little ceremony and performance. When they arrived, however, they became the show. The VBS program teachers swarmed them with greetings and many questions. I was so confused, but now I understand.

When I was eight years old, my family went to Hong Kong to celebrate his 80th birthday with him. It was a momentous occasion. There, many people told me about the things my grandfather had done, his acts of kindness, his accomplishments, and more. He became even more of a hero to me. Ravi Zacharias had once described him as “one of the most respectable men I have ever met.” That was my grandfather. He had immense dignity and was wonderfully humble, and because of that combination, highly respectable. And I wanted to be just like him all my life, even finding that I also had an ability to write, a love for poetry, and a heart for missions. My grandfather was ever my strong, majestic hero.

That would be the last time I saw him in my childhood.

Every night afterwards, for the next ten years, I prayed that I would be able to see him again. During those ten years, my reccurring nightmare was one that woke me up after hearing that my beloved grandfather had passed away. I would wake up sobbing uncontrollably. Yet, even though I wasn’t with him physically during those ten years, he continued to play a very significant role in my life. Because of his goodness, I admired him. Because I admired him, I yearned to be like him. Because I yearned to be like him, I desired to serve God. As I grew older, however, I stumbled and struggled and sinned. My thinking became dark at times, and I needed God’s redemption. During those years, the presence of 爺爺 in my life often prevented me from falling too far, for I always wanted to honor him. He was a guiding force, a lighthouse in my life, a sign pointing me to Christ.

In 2012, my grandfather turned 90 (in western years). I was preparing to go serve as a missionary teacher in India, and keeping our promise to see him when he turned 90, I stopped in Hong Kong to spend several days with him. I remember seeing him for the first time in ten long years.

I heard his voice, making a humming/grunting sound, as he slowly made his way down the hall with his walker. My eyes began to tear, and when I saw him, I just started crying. There was my majestic, wonderful grandfather, looking old and helpless and feeble. I cried so much that day. It was only the beginning.

He took his seat and did not look at me. After my grandma came in and hugged me, 爺爺turned to look at me for the first time. He smiled, and that was enough encouragement for me to hug him. Grandma told him that I was Josephine and that I am his granddaughter. He repeated my name a few times and smiled. He spoke in Cantonese, saying, “She’s very pretty” and then “I like her” a few times. I thought that when he said I like her, he means that he recognized me. Maybe a little. I cried a lot. It had been so many years that I had waited for that moment of being with him.

One of the most heartbreaking aspects for me seeing him again was not only that he was so feeble but also that he only spoke in Cantonese or Mandarin to me. My heart ached when I first realized it. Yeh Yeh’s accent when he speaks English had been unique and lovely. All my life, he spoke to me in English. He learned English when he was young. Later, when the Japanese began invading China, missionaries helped send him to the University of Edinburgh. So he went to Edinburgh’s divinity school and learned more English. His accent isn’t Scottish, but it is lovely and special. He also had a voice that was strong but at the same time gentle. I loved it. But here, he only spoke in Chinese languages.

One day, he looked at me and said in Cantonese, “I know you…do you understand me?” Then he smiled and said in English, “I love you.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I marveled at God’s grace that I could finally be by my grandfather ‘s side and hear him speak English again. During those days, I shared many wonderful moments with 爺爺 that I have treasured in my heart, and as my grandma talked with me, I gradually became able to understand and cope with the situation. 爺爺 might not have been able to communicate effectively or move around much anymore, but he was still Rev. Dr. Philip Teng—— ambassador of the Lord, lover of people, great missionary, prolific author, generous philanthropist, intellect and poet, and my wonderful, loving grandfather.

Seeing him in that state was the hardest thing in the world, but I continue to admire him for who he is and all that God has done through him.

Before I left, he prayed for me. It was one of the most amazing moments in my entire life. His voice suddenly became loud and strong, and I heard the voice of one who was intimate with God. I felt his faith and intellect. This was my grandfather whose servant heart and obedience to the Lord inspired me from an early age to be passionate about evangelism, to be concerned for the welfare of others, to seek the glory of God first and foremost, and more. It was my 爺爺, whom I love. To hear the energy in his voice as he prayed to God and to witness his remarkable relationship with the God who united us after ten years of separation brought me to tears. He gave me his emphatic, heartfelt blessing to serve God, and I departed to the mission field.

Over a year later, God gave me the unexpected blessing of returning to Hong Kong yet again. This time when I went to see 爺爺, I was much more broken, worn out by the spiritual warfare of the mission field, and he was much more broken, physically suffering from a deteriorating body. My heart ached tremendously to see him in such constant pain. Despite his agony, 爺爺 ministered to my heart. By telling me, “I love you. You are good,” he made known to me the power of God’s grace to heal and redeem. I had always dreamed of hearing 爺爺 preach as so many others were able to. In that moment, with just two sentences, I heard the most moving sermon ever. Two lines to point me back to Christ. Two lines to bring me humbled before the cross. Two lines to pull me out of my shame to see the love of God. Weary though he was, 爺爺 brought me great healing, and during those last days with him, I was even blessed to share communion with him in North Point Alliance Church.

Later in the year, I followed 爺爺’s footsteps and began studies at the University of Edinburgh, his alma mater.

I remember sharing the news with him when I was by his side a year before. During dinner, Grandma must have sensed that he was his conscious self, so she took the opportunity to tell him that I had been accepted to the University of Edinburgh and planned to attend in his honor. Immediately, he turned to me with the greatest grin and exclaimed, “Edinburgh?!”

He had spoken in English, and I began crying again once I heard his voice. There was that strength in it but also a keen excitement. He looked at me lovingly with the most marvelous smile. He stopped humming and thought long and hard, trying to remember as much as he could. In another minute, his smile faded into his feeble face, away with his memory.

Here I was a year later, having started studies in Edinburgh. Knowing God’s grace in his life and witnessing it in my own life made me feel brave to begin. I grew a lot spiritually and intellectually and struggled quite a bit as well. The last weeks of the school year were extremely difficult, and I remember the sense of pure elation that filled me when my final exam was finished. “It is the best day of my life,” I recall saying. I praised God and thanked Him dearly. Two hours later, 爺爺 passed away.

It was so sudden. I cried for a long time. But it was not like when I used to wake up from the nightmare of his passing. It was not agonizing mourning. I cried, because I knew I will miss him, and I cried, because Iwas moved so deeply by God’s grace. I cried, because I am amazed at the Lord’s grace to bless me with such a wonderful grandfather, role model, and hero. I cried, because I am amazed that the Lord saw fit to honor a little girl’s prayer to see her grandfather again for ten years—— not once but twice! I cried, because the Lord sent me to the mission field to serve as 爺爺 did, unworthy though I am. I cried, because I received spiritual blessings from 爺爺 and because I was able to sing praises to God with 爺爺 and because I was able to take communion by 爺爺’s side and because I am able to attend 爺爺’s university. I cried, because God’s grace in our lives is such a beautiful thing. God saw fit to wait and not take 爺爺 home until I finished my first semester, so that he was with me until the very end of my first term at his school. I can hardly believe the love of God to be so gracious, so wonderful.

爺爺 was a wonderful teacher and an even better grandfather. He didn’t teach me with books or lectures. He taught me with his life —— to seek to honor God, to praise Him always, and to see His tremendous grace.

I love you, 爺爺. Forever and always.

I will miss you very much, and I look forward to seeing you again and praising God by your side for how good, how wonderful He is.

With a heart of love and thankfulness,

原載於《恩典懷清輝：滕近輝牧師紀念特刊》，頁42-46。